Coming out as LGBTQ+: memories of parental reactions for different gender and sexual identity groups

Parents’ reactions to their child’s coming out are important, as they are associated with their child’s life outcomes. While research is growing, there is still little consensus regarding how LGBTQ+ individuals experience parental reactions that go beyond a simple positive to negative continuum. Further, comparisons of parental responses have not yet been made across a wide range of gender and sexual identities. The current study used a reflexive thematic analysis to explore the written coming out narratives of 1024 LGBTQ+ individuals, comparing the experiences of those in five different groups (i.e., lesbian, gay, bisexual, gender diverse, and other sexual identities). Results indicated that individuals in each group experienced the same general patterns of parental responses to the disclosure of their identity. Positive parental responses divided into clearly affirming, calm and relaxed, or pragmatic and matter-of-fact subthemes. Some parental responses were confused. Negative parental responses divided into awkward disappointment, avoidance, efforts at control, or abusive and retaliatory subthemes. Many parental responses were mixed or ambivalent, displaying aspects of more than one theme or subtheme. Parents generally became more accepting over time; however, explicitly negative parental responses were less predictable and sometimes worsened over time. Gender diverse individuals reported receiving negative and controlling parental reactions more frequently than other groups, and all groups experienced issues related to parents holding identity-specific stereotypes. The results of this study may be utilized to develop inclusive educational resources, to guide parents and LGBTQ+ individuals when coping with their disclosure conversation, and to inform clinicians in providing high-quality identity-affirming therapy services.